We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
