Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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