Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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