she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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