seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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