You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I touched a dick in church today
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
