haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
