peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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