i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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