Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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