I skipped work to stalk him.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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