he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
