we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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