In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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