at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
