I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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