She is in my trunk
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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