ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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