Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
