Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Someone signed my nipple.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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