I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
