Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
