Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
