hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
this will be a night to untag.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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