Swine flu. Run for my life!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
