dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You made out with two different species that night
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
