True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
