I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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