So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
