I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
