I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
