he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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