i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
