It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
