He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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