I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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