I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
