Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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