he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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