He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
