Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
