at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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