I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
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I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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