If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
