it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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