I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
