I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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