do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
As shirtless as possible
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Randomize
