Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
