we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
