After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I will be naked everywhere
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
