I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He better not be in your backpack
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
