It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize