I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
