I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
