Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
