I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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