you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
