Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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