My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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