i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
