I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
