Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
