my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
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I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
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Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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