he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
