Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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