guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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