A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
