So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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