he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
