I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
