my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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