im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Another day, another engagement, another cat
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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