tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
