omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
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I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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