Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
