Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
