Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
