First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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