Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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