just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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