hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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