Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
