If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
